Yet I know that some people want to make this special event even more special. That's why we have people proposing underwater and jumping out of airplanes.
Jon Cardin, a member of the Maryland House of Delegates, got caught up in a marriage-proposal stunt that went badly.
But his apology is first rate.
Cardin's idea was to propose to his girl friend on a boat in the Baltimore Inner Harbor. A boat is always good. He should have stopped there. Instead, Cardin arranged for some Baltimore police officers to board the boat and pretend they were searching for contraband. He arranged for a police helicopter to buzz the boat. Perhaps the cops were to find something "suspicious," like an engagement ring. Then, amidst all the tension, Cardin could pop the question and reveal that it was all an elaborate joke and the boat's company could have a big laugh and a lasting memory.
It didn't work out that way. Once the word got out, Cardin came under criticism for everything from bad taste to the misuse of police resources in a city struggling with violent crime.
To his credit, Cardin got it. He quickly realized his folly and offered apologies to the mayor and other officials. He issued this written apology on his website:
I would like to apologize for my actions surrounding my marriage proposal, any confusion that my absence on a previously scheduled vacation may have contributed, and the embarrassing attention that it has engendered. What should have been a joyous time of my life became one that was instead marked by errors in judgment.
I take full responsibility for initiating this incident. I should have been sensitive enough to realize that these are extraordinarily difficult times in Baltimore, both financially and from a public safety perspective. In that context, I realize how inappropriate my request was.
I love Baltimore, it's my hometown, and I would never intentionally jeopardize our great city's reputation or resources. I certainly hope that the blame for this is placed on me, and none of it is given to any of the brave officers of the Baltimore City Police Department.
In response to my lapse in judgment, I have personally apologized to the mayor, the police commissioner, and the Marine Police Unit. I have fully reimbursed the city for its expenses. I have also made a personal contribution to the city's venerable mounted police unit to help it weather the financial crisis that is now threatening its existence.
Finally, I hope that my fiancée will be able to forgive the fact that I brought this unexpected and undesired public attention to what should have been a special moment in our lives.
I pledge to you that, with your trust in me, I will take this opportunity to learn from my errors. I will not let this mistake deflect from my continued efforts for the 11th District and to improve and develop policies concerning smart energy, health, finance and the environment at large.
There's a lot to admire about this apology. He recognizes exactly what he did. He personally reaches out to everyone his offense touched. He accepts full responsibility without a hint of evasion. He hoards the blame, making a special plea that the police officers he recruited be spared any discipline. Unlike many apologies, this one is keenly sensitive to restitution. Cardin not only paid the city of Baltimore $300 for the police costs he incurred, he also made a separate contribution to the city's mounted police unit. He promises to learn from the incident.
To me, this is a satisfying apology and because of it, I believe the incident should not do lasting damage to Cardin's career. People understand that leaders make mistakes. It's not what we do that counts in the long run, it's what we do about what we do. And on that count, Cardin demonstrates the confidence to confront his mistake and repair it.
About the only thing I'd suggest Cardin do differently is to be specific about his donation to the mounted police unit. The donation is a very nice touch. If his constituents knew the amount of his donation, they would have another data point to judge the generosity of the apology. As it is, the lack of transparency detracts from an otherwise pitch perfect apology.
Oh, and as for the outcome of his marriage-proposal? Miss Megan Homer of Rockville accepted his proposal. As a former resident of Maryland, I wish Del. Cardin and his fiancée the very best.
Evaluation:
Recognition: A
Responsibility: A
Remorse: A
Restitution: A
Repetition: A
Overall Score: A
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